Indestructible Human Blog

Ask Tonic’s Coach Summer 2018 Should you ask why or what? By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: I am really frustrated. My fiancé of three years broke up with me and moved to another city. I have asked him “why” many times, but he never gives me a solid answer. How can I go on if I don’t know? -Genevieve A: Genevieve, you are in the middle of something many people go through even if the exact details are unique to your situation. We encounter many situations in life where we’d like to know “why” something happened or why someone did something or didn’t do something. It is unfortunate that your ex-fiancé won’t give you more detail, but ultimately that is his decision and while not what you want, you can accept it. You could spend a lot of time and energy on guessing why he did what he did, but without his participation, you still won’t have resolution. In the absence of an answer to “why?” you can ask a different question, which is “what now?” By r...

Ask Tonic’s Coach June 2018 Why you can’t change anyone By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: I’ve been married for almost ten years and recently bettered myself by stopping smoking, exercising regularly, eating better, losing weight and generally taking better care of myself. My husband, on the other hand, hasn’t changed a bit. What can I do to change him? -Matilda A: Matilda, congratulations on making several big changes in your life; you seem to have found ways to make positive changes and be consistent with them. Based on your question, would it be fair to say you want your husband to be a different person than the man you married? It is important to acknowledge that while we can influence another person, we cannot force them to change. Change comes from within, often due to either internal or external stressors. Typically, if most or all of our needs are met within a given lifestyle, there is little need for us to change. We are wired to see...

Ask Tonic’s Coach May 2018 Are you allergic to money? By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: When I was young I was taught that “money is the root of all evil.” I want to make more money, but I also want to be a good person. How do I get to a point that money isn’t such a stress for me? -Elaine A: Elaine, is a stress for many people and the cause of many relationship breakups. Part of the reason for this is that we all need to pay the bills and live our lives, but some people live beyond their means. You appear to have what I call, “an allergy to money.” When you are allergic to money, you have a built-in reaction to money, either mishandling it (spend too much) or pushing it away (sabotage jobs where you can make more money). When you put your feelings about money in the right place, it will be an incredible relief. If you don’t already have a good understanding of your own budget (how much money comes in and goes out), that is the best place to s...

Ask Tonic’s Coach Apr 2018 Detoxing from that toxic relationship By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: I got divorced two years ago, after a 12-year marriage that ended really poorly. I still feel angry about how it ended and want to move on. Any suggestions on how I can do this? -Chris A: Chris, relationships can be challenging at the best of times, and when they don't work out, it is inevitable that there will be some work to be done, especially ending poorly after 12 years. Without knowing the details, I can tell you that whatever happened doesn't matter as much as what you do about it now. It is natural to look back, but keep in mind that the more time you spend doing so is time taken away from helping you create the kind of life you want. What are you doing on a regular basis, that you love? It is critical to feed our souls with activities that are experiential that create lasting, positive memories. Travel, learning, and being in nat...

Ask Tonic’s Coach Mar 2018 When men lose their mojo By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: I am a 50-year-old divorced man, and I feel like I am going through a “mid-life crisis.” Nothing is wrong; I just feel like I’ve lost my “mojo” and can’t seem to get it back. -Jim A: Jim, it is quite common for men to go through a time of reflection when they reach their 40s and 50s. This reflection is often because we’ve lived long enough to get the things done we were “supposed” to get done (career, home, family, etc.). However, there is sometimes a sense that something is missing and it may be that we haven’t self-actualized. While these feelings are common, occasionally it can warrant a conversation with your family doctor. If you feel this is the case, or you’ve had any more severe symptoms, I encourage you to seek out that advice. In the meantime, there are a lot of things you can do to “get your mojo back.” Is there something you’ve always wanted to do...

In the book “Change or Die” by Alan Deutschman, the author examines why change is so difficult for people. When you think about the most challenging events that occur in your life, they are usually associated with the biggest changes either thrust upon you (i.e. you get downsized at work), or that you create yourself (i.e. a health crisis). The obstacle that most of us face is not whether or not we want to change, but how to make substantial, sustainable change happen. Deutschman provides three keys to lasting change based his examination of groups that have successfully made a change, when their peers facing the same challenge, were not able to make a change. These keys are: Relate:  When you connect with a person or group that has successfully navigated the change you are wanting, and they have a pattern of behaviour that you can learn, you can be inspired to make the same change yourself. This could be a coach, a group like alcoholics anonymous, or a mentor that can guide you, ...

Surveys have shown that people who work with personal trainers are more likely to be successful in their fitness goals. In the same way that you would hire a ski instructor to teach you how to ski, or a golf pro to help you with your swing, if you want to maximize your fitness, personal trainers are the go-to experts. Like other allied health professionals, personal trainers provide a service based on their combined education and experience. Because personal trainers are a largely unregulated group, hiring a personal trainer is a “buyer-beware” process where the consumer must know what to ask and expect. Here are ten questions you can ask to help you make the best decision possible: Are you certified? Certification is the minimum specific competency that a trainer must possess. The certification exam should contain a variety of question formats (i.e. not just multiple choice) and must include a live, practical evaluation of their abilities. Do you attend continuing education events ...