Why won’t anyone love me?

Ask Tonic’s Coach February 2019

Why won’t anyone love me?

By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach

Q: Hi Rod, I seem to go from relationship to relationship and even though things start out amazing, either they cheat on me or I end up cheating on them. It is like my relationships hit the 6-week mark and we stop being attracted to each other or they just don’t like me anymore. Will I ever find love?
-JC

A: JC, there may be a lot more to your situation than we can cover here, so I hope you are also seeking additional support elsewhere, such as with a psychologist or other therapist. In the meantime, the necessary first question is, “what do you want?” You might answer with “love” or “a relationship,” but you can go deeper than this. What does love mean to you and what does a healthy relationship look like to you? When you define these things more clearly, you have an opportunity to filter out potential relationships that fulfil only temporary needs.

It is common for new relationships to peak and then dwindle as people fall back into their regular routines, so getting to know yourself and the other person is critical to building a solid foundation for what may become a longer lasting relationship. If you actually are not interested in a long-lasting relationship because you crave variety and interaction with different people, than that will help decide what types of people are better suited to those expectations.

The cycle you are describing of cheating or being cheated on suggests a level of immaturity on one or both people’s parts and a possibly weak foundation for the relationship (i.e. a raucous one-night stand after a night of heavy drinking). When things start poorly, it is challenging to keep them going because the initial catalyst for the relationship is not something you can repeat indefinitely.

Once you become more clear about your own expectations and needs, you will be able to create the kind of life you want, whether it is with another person or on your own for the time being.

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Combining over 30 years in the field of self-development, Rod is the CEO of the Certified Coaches Federation, one of the largest coach education companies in the world, and a speaker, coach and author. For more information on the Certified Coaches Federation, visit www.certifiedcoachesfederation.com 

Want to ask Tonic’s Coach a question? Send a brief email to rod@certifiedcoachesfederation.com describing your challenge in 50 words or less, and one question will be selected per issue.

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