Who do you really want to be?

Ask Tonic’s Coach January 2019

Who do you really want to be?

By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach

Q: I am a 45-year-old man and I think I am having a mid-life crisis. My life is pretty good overall, but I just feel like I’ve wasted the last 45 years. I’m not depressed or anything like that; I just want to be a better version of myself
-Alex

A: Alex, what you are going through is very common. When people get to their 40s, they often question what they’ve been doing. Because we, as humans, crave approval and connection, when we feel we’ve misspent time, it can create doubt and resentment. While having emotions have helped us become successful as humans, it can also create regret, and you haven’t wasted any of the last 45 years; you have been getting ready for the next phase of your life.

While you may also want to speak to psychologist about anything in the past that may be affecting your mental state, what I can help you with as a coach is to focus on the now and future. The answers to the following questions will help you clarify what you want and how to get it:

1. Since you can’t change the past, what is it that you want as it relates to being a better version of yourself?

2. What will that version of yourself allow you to do or experience in life?

3. What steps would you have to take to move closer to that version of yourself?

4. Specifically, what would you have to stop doing, start doing, or continue doing to be that newer version of yourself?

5. Which of the things in the previous two questions are you able to do right away, even if they are smaller steps towards bigger goals?

6. How will you know you are making progress?

7. What is a healthy way for you to celebrate your progress along the way?

8. Who else will benefit from your progress?

9. Once you are well on your way to becoming your future self, who else can you help do the same thing?

10. How would it make you feel to help others accomplish the same thing you want to accomplish?

Alex, there is only one person ultimately responsible for the choices that result in helping you become the next version of you. That one person is you. Get clear about what you want, what you’re willing to do to get it and when you will do it, and you will be on your way before you know it. Don’t forget to celebrate along the way!

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Combining over 30 years in the field of self-development, Rod is the CEO of the Certified Coaches Federation, one of the largest coach education companies in the world, and a speaker, coach and author. For more information on the Certified Coaches Federation, visit www.certifiedcoachesfederation.com 

Want to ask Tonic’s Coach a question? Send a brief email to rod@certifiedcoachesfederation.com describing your challenge in 50 words or less, and one question will be selected per issue.

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