Indestructible Human Blog

Ask Tonic’s Coach November/December 2019 Why am I afraid of what I want? By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: “I am really clear about what I want (to start my own business), but I seem to be paralyzed in getting things going. I have a good job that pays the bills, but I want my own company. How do I stop being afraid of what I want? -Campbell A: Campbell, you are encountering what holds back most people from what they want. Your “good” is keeping you from your “great.” What that means is that you are stuck between a good job and a great opportunity. Because you have a good job that pays the bills, there isn’t enough pain to push you towards your goal. On the other side, you have some uncertainty around what you don’t have yet (the new business). In coaching, we can do some “time-travelling” to explore different scenarios and create more energy around taking the best steps forward. Here are some questions to help you get more clarity: 1. Imag...

Ask Tonic’s Coach Summer 2019 Should Parents Compete? By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: As a divorced mom of two teenage boys, I find it really hard to compete with my ex, who is the “fun” parent. I feel like I am always the one holding our boys to the rules while they are used to playing video games all day and watching TV all night. What can I do?” -Lidia A: Lidia, families with two homes are often, but not always, a struggle to balance. You are a different person than your ex, so your parenting style will also be different. There are a number of things at play here and while some solid counselling could be beneficial, I believe you can work through much of it yourself. Have you had a non-confrontational conversation with your ex about parenting? If not, this is a great place to start. If you can both agree that what is best for the boys should direct the decision making, then you’re more likely to agree on what rules are needed. Have you ta...

Ask Tonic’s Coach June 2019 What makes a “good” dad? By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: With Father’s Day happening at this time of year, I get down about whether or not I am a “good” dad. What can I do to shore up how I feel about myself? -Jefferson A: Jefferson, the role of the father continues to evolve as society continues to evolve, which makes for an ever-changing challenge for us dads. We might see, hear or read something one week only to hear something contradictory the following week. Regardless what is happening externally, what is most important, as you alluded to, is what is happening internally with how you feel about yourself. Your “blueprint” for what a good dad is comes from a number of places including all the role-models (real and imagined) you have been exposed to, as well as what your childhood was like. If your blueprint is some kind of “perfect” dad, then you’ll likely fall short almost every time. If your blueprint is poo...

Ask Tonic’s Coach May 2019 The double edge of introspection By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: I have recently introduced meditation into my personal health and wellness routine, and I find myself struggling with some of the negative stuff I am experiencing. I am hearing myself being critical as I attempt to quiet my mind and it is very distracting. Is there anything you can suggest that may help? -Wilton A: Wilton, what you are experiencing is what I sometimes refer to as the double edge of introspection. When we meditate, we hope to achieve a sense of calmness, clarity, peace, or some other positive state. Unfortunately, what many new meditators experience is the static of negative self-talk, self-criticism, and emotional noise. This is part of the process, so the fact that you are experiencing this is a good indication you are actually doing well, because you are paying attention to your thoughts and feelings. You may not be experiencing the...

Ask Tonic’s Coach April 2019 Doubt is acceptable; Inaction is not By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: Whenever an opportunity presents itself to me, either at work or in a social situation, I doubt myself to an extent that it has sabotaged some potentially great things in my life. What can I do? -Bettina A: Bettina, doubt is normally a fantastic part of our human psyche, because it helps us assess situations to avoid physical or emotional pain. It is kind of a safety valve for us when assessing an opportunity. For some of us, doubt can quickly grow out of control and either paralyze us or slow us down enough that we miss an opportunity. On the flip side of the equation, if you jumped at every opportunity that came along, you might make some less-than-ideal decisions. Healthy doubt keeps you safe, while unhealthy doubt robs you of taking advantage of good opportunities. The source of your doubt may be somewhere in your childhood (a parent or othe...

Ask Tonic’s Coach March 2019 I want to but I can’t By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: Hi Rod, I want to start my own business as a registered massage therapist (RMT) but I can’t seem to get things going. I am really passionate about what I do, and everyone who experiences my work thinks it’s awesome, but I don’t know how to get enough clients to survive. I really don’t want to go back to the office job I used to have. -Jorgen A: Jorgen, you are facing a common challenge. Almost every entrepreneur who is skill-based (think chefs, personal trainers, etc.) are really passionate about what they do, and yet struggle make a successful business of it. Here are some of the things you can ask yourself and get things going: 1) What are the areas you need help with? If you are passionate about massage, you may be weaker in areas such as marketing, accounting and legal issues. You can either get stronger in those areas or hire people to do those things...

Ask Tonic’s Coach February 2019 Why won’t anyone love me? By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: Hi Rod, I seem to go from relationship to relationship and even though things start out amazing, either they cheat on me or I end up cheating on them. It is like my relationships hit the 6-week mark and we stop being attracted to each other or they just don’t like me anymore. Will I ever find love? -JC A: JC, there may be a lot more to your situation than we can cover here, so I hope you are also seeking additional support elsewhere, such as with a psychologist or other therapist. In the meantime, the necessary first question is, “what do you want?” You might answer with “love” or “a relationship,” but you can go deeper than this. What does love mean to you and what does a healthy relationship look like to you? When you define these things more clearly, you have an opportunity to filter out potential relationships that fulfil only temporary needs. It is...