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Your time to shine

Ask Tonic’s Coach Jan/Feb 2021 Your time to shine By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: “So much has changed in my life over the last year and I feel like I am stuck. How can I get unstuck and make progress towards my goals?” -Finlay A: Finlay, the feeling of being stuck is more common than ever, especially with so much out of our control. However, one of the things we can do is focus on what we can control and make the kinds of changes that move us closer and closer to what we actually want. Ask yourself the following questions and the answers should help you create some movement to begin the process of getting you unstuck: 1. What do you really need and want? Getting clear about what you need and want is an important first step. Without a destination in mind, it is almost impossible to get there. 2. What do you control between where you are and where you want to be? Focusing on what you can control and letting go of what you can’t is important t
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What can you control?

Ask Tonic’s Coach May/June 2020 What can you control? By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: “With so much uncertainty in the world today, I find myself feeling a bit overwhelmed with my thoughts. Sometimes it interferes with my sleep and I feel tense most of the time. Is there anything you can suggest?” -Crystal A: Crystal, there are a lot of people feeling the way you are, especially now, because what is going on in the world. Even when a person isn’t directly affected, it can still have a negative effect. If you feel like you can’t manage your feelings, you may want to speak to your family physician about support from a psychologist or counsellor. If you are feeling like you are in a crisis, then there are crisis hotlines available in your area that you can find by performing an internet search. If you feel that your feelings are manageable, keep reading. When we start to feel overwhelmed about a situation, it can help to ask yourself these ques
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Total, complete failure

Ask Tonic’s Coach March/April 2020 Total, complete failure By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: “So New Years has come and gone and yet again, I had set a resolution only to watch it crumble away barely a month later. I feel like a total, complete failure. What can I do to stop being such a loser and turn this around? Or have I just proven to myself, yet again, that I should just accept my inability to set a goal and stick to it?” -Jakob A: Jakob, rather than see your past challenges as proof of some inadequacy, you have the option to see those situations as lessons. It is much more empowering to seek meaning from than stew in the missed expectations. As for resolutions, the most resolutions are not achieved, so you’re in good company. What will make a positive difference for you is a strategy that you can implement any time for any goal. Here are the basic elements of one such strategy: 1. Get really clear about what you want to achieve, bu
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Overwhelmed by opportunities

Ask Tonic’s Coach January/February 2020 Overwhelmed by opportunities By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: “I feel bad about writing this, but everything in my life is pretty great. My challenge is that I seem to have so many opportunities in front of me that I am overwhelmed and get stuck trying to figure out what to do. How do I keep moving?” -Parminder A: Parminder, firstly, you don’t need to feel bad about your life being “pretty great”; that is terrific news. In fact, the challenge you are describing is similar to what many people encounter when they feel like they have too many choices to make or too many challenges to overcome. That sense of overwhelm is your brain and heart doing their best to satisfy all your wants and needs but potentially not having enough resources to get through it all. Here are a few tips to both free up some energy and make the best choices possible: 1. Decide when you want to work through the decision-making p
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Why am I afraid of what I want?

Ask Tonic’s Coach November/December 2019 Why am I afraid of what I want? By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: “I am really clear about what I want (to start my own business), but I seem to be paralyzed in getting things going. I have a good job that pays the bills, but I want my own company. How do I stop being afraid of what I want? -Campbell A: Campbell, you are encountering what holds back most people from what they want. Your “good” is keeping you from your “great.” What that means is that you are stuck between a good job and a great opportunity. Because you have a good job that pays the bills, there isn’t enough pain to push you towards your goal. On the other side, you have some uncertainty around what you don’t have yet (the new business). In coaching, we can do some “time-travelling” to explore different scenarios and create more energy around taking the best steps forward. Here are some questions to help you get more clarity: 1. Imag
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Should Parents Compete?

Ask Tonic’s Coach Summer 2019 Should Parents Compete? By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: As a divorced mom of two teenage boys, I find it really hard to compete with my ex, who is the “fun” parent. I feel like I am always the one holding our boys to the rules while they are used to playing video games all day and watching TV all night. What can I do?” -Lidia A: Lidia, families with two homes are often, but not always, a struggle to balance. You are a different person than your ex, so your parenting style will also be different. There are a number of things at play here and while some solid counselling could be beneficial, I believe you can work through much of it yourself. Have you had a non-confrontational conversation with your ex about parenting? If not, this is a great place to start. If you can both agree that what is best for the boys should direct the decision making, then you’re more likely to agree on what rules are needed. Have you ta
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What makes a “good” dad?

Ask Tonic’s Coach June 2019 What makes a “good” dad? By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: With Father’s Day happening at this time of year, I get down about whether or not I am a “good” dad. What can I do to shore up how I feel about myself? -Jefferson A: Jefferson, the role of the father continues to evolve as society continues to evolve, which makes for an ever-changing challenge for us dads. We might see, hear or read something one week only to hear something contradictory the following week. Regardless what is happening externally, what is most important, as you alluded to, is what is happening internally with how you feel about yourself. Your “blueprint” for what a good dad is comes from a number of places including all the role-models (real and imagined) you have been exposed to, as well as what your childhood was like. If your blueprint is some kind of “perfect” dad, then you’ll likely fall short almost every time. If your blueprint is poo
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