Indestructible Human Blog

Ask Tonic’s Coach November 2018 What are your rules? By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: I know what I want to accomplish, and I know everything I need to accomplish it, but I still find myself sabotaging myself by wasting time doing silly things like watching hours of television, surfing the net, laundry, or anything except what I need to be doing. -Ahmad A: Ahmad, there may be a number of things going on, but you sound like the perfect candidate for hiring a coach. It may be that with a little accountability, you are more likely to stay on track. At the end of the day, even the world’s best coach won’t accomplish your goal for you, but that’s not what you want anyway. Let’s do a check on where you are at by first asking the following questions: 1. When was the last time you revisited your goals? You may believe you know what you want, but sometimes we get numb to our goals because they are too big or not as interesting to us anymore. 2. ...

Ask Tonic’s Coach September 2018 Balancing intellect and emotion By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: I create plans for things all the time (new year’s resolutions, new diet, new exercise program, etc.) and then somewhere along the way I get derailed and fall back into bad habits. How can stop this frustrating cycle of failure? -Delvana A: Delvana, you are experiencing what sounds like the neurological battle we all go through when seeking to make a change, and you are wired to react the way you are. However, there is something you can do about it. The human brain was designed and has evolved to keep us safe, happy and alive. Without going into technical terms, we are wired to be governed by our emotions much more easily than our intellect. You may create a plan intellectually, but as soon as emotions swell up, your brain will throw that plan out the window. This is why a great diet will be tossed out by a broken heart. Having said that, there a...

Ask Tonic’s Coach Summer 2018 Should you ask why or what? By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: I am really frustrated. My fiancé of three years broke up with me and moved to another city. I have asked him “why” many times, but he never gives me a solid answer. How can I go on if I don’t know? -Genevieve A: Genevieve, you are in the middle of something many people go through even if the exact details are unique to your situation. We encounter many situations in life where we’d like to know “why” something happened or why someone did something or didn’t do something. It is unfortunate that your ex-fiancé won’t give you more detail, but ultimately that is his decision and while not what you want, you can accept it. You could spend a lot of time and energy on guessing why he did what he did, but without his participation, you still won’t have resolution. In the absence of an answer to “why?” you can ask a different question, which is “what now?” By r...

Ask Tonic’s Coach June 2018 Why you can’t change anyone By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: I’ve been married for almost ten years and recently bettered myself by stopping smoking, exercising regularly, eating better, losing weight and generally taking better care of myself. My husband, on the other hand, hasn’t changed a bit. What can I do to change him? -Matilda A: Matilda, congratulations on making several big changes in your life; you seem to have found ways to make positive changes and be consistent with them. Based on your question, would it be fair to say you want your husband to be a different person than the man you married? It is important to acknowledge that while we can influence another person, we cannot force them to change. Change comes from within, often due to either internal or external stressors. Typically, if most or all of our needs are met within a given lifestyle, there is little need for us to change. We are wired to see...

Ask Tonic’s Coach May 2018 Are you allergic to money? By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: When I was young I was taught that “money is the root of all evil.” I want to make more money, but I also want to be a good person. How do I get to a point that money isn’t such a stress for me? -Elaine A: Elaine, is a stress for many people and the cause of many relationship breakups. Part of the reason for this is that we all need to pay the bills and live our lives, but some people live beyond their means. You appear to have what I call, “an allergy to money.” When you are allergic to money, you have a built-in reaction to money, either mishandling it (spend too much) or pushing it away (sabotage jobs where you can make more money). When you put your feelings about money in the right place, it will be an incredible relief. If you don’t already have a good understanding of your own budget (how much money comes in and goes out), that is the best place to s...

Ask Tonic’s Coach Apr 2018 Detoxing from that toxic relationship By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: I got divorced two years ago, after a 12-year marriage that ended really poorly. I still feel angry about how it ended and want to move on. Any suggestions on how I can do this? -Chris A: Chris, relationships can be challenging at the best of times, and when they don't work out, it is inevitable that there will be some work to be done, especially ending poorly after 12 years. Without knowing the details, I can tell you that whatever happened doesn't matter as much as what you do about it now. It is natural to look back, but keep in mind that the more time you spend doing so is time taken away from helping you create the kind of life you want. What are you doing on a regular basis, that you love? It is critical to feed our souls with activities that are experiential that create lasting, positive memories. Travel, learning, and being in nat...

Ask Tonic’s Coach Mar 2018 When men lose their mojo By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: I am a 50-year-old divorced man, and I feel like I am going through a “mid-life crisis.” Nothing is wrong; I just feel like I’ve lost my “mojo” and can’t seem to get it back. -Jim A: Jim, it is quite common for men to go through a time of reflection when they reach their 40s and 50s. This reflection is often because we’ve lived long enough to get the things done we were “supposed” to get done (career, home, family, etc.). However, there is sometimes a sense that something is missing and it may be that we haven’t self-actualized. While these feelings are common, occasionally it can warrant a conversation with your family doctor. If you feel this is the case, or you’ve had any more severe symptoms, I encourage you to seek out that advice. In the meantime, there are a lot of things you can do to “get your mojo back.” Is there something you’ve always wanted to do...