Why am I afraid of what I want?

Ask Tonic’s Coach November/December 2019

Why am I afraid of what I want?

By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach

Q: “I am really clear about what I want (to start my own business), but I seem to be paralyzed in getting things going. I have a good job that pays the bills, but I want my own company. How do I stop being afraid of what I want?
-Campbell

A: Campbell, you are encountering what holds back most people from what they want. Your “good” is keeping you from your “great.” What that means is that you are stuck between a good job and a great opportunity. Because you have a good job that pays the bills, there isn’t enough pain to push you towards your goal. On the other side, you have some uncertainty around what you don’t have yet (the new business).

In coaching, we can do some “time-travelling” to explore different scenarios and create more energy around taking the best steps forward. Here are some questions to help you get more clarity:

1. Imagine yourself ten years from now, in the same job as you are now. Will you be happy that ten years have passed, or will you be miserable because you have let another decade go by?

2. Imagine yourself ten years from now, with your new business thriving, all as a result of you taking the risk required to make it happen. Are you happier in this scenario compared to the scenario where you stay in your existing job?

3. Assuming you are happier ten years from now, having created your new business, what were the first few steps you took to make it happen?

4. Did you leave your current job altogether, or did you keep your job and reorganize other aspects of your life to make time to build your new business?

The answers to those and other questions will help you create clarity amongst some of the fog of what you are currently experiencing. Instead of feeling stuck or paralyzed, you can make choices that allow you to build the future you want.

-------------------------
Combining over 30 years in the field of self-development, Rod is the CEO of the Certified Coaches Federation, one of the largest coach education companies in the world, and a speaker, coach and author. For more information on the Certified Coaches Federation, visit www.certifiedcoachesfederation.com

Want to ask Tonic’s Coach a question? Send a brief email to rod@certifiedcoachesfederation.com describing your challenge in 50 words or less, and one question will be selected per issue.

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Meal timing: When you eat may be sabotaging your workouts

The majority of people who exercise are doing so to lose weight or to maintain where they are. If you are trying to lose weight, you might find that even though you are watching what you eat, you still are not losing weight. While there may be some underlying issues that need to be uncovered, the bigger contributor to your resistance to exercise-induced weight loss is likely your meal timing. A difference in meal timing may also explain how two people who eat more or less the same thing and one loses weight while the other does not. To understand how meal timing is critical to weight loss, it is important to understand how the body uses energy for exercise. In an effort to simplify, here are the basic steps: You start exercise and your body looks for fuel to use. If you HAVE NOT eaten in four hours or more, your body will likely do its best to use locally available fuel, and part of that will be your body fat. If you HAVE eaten in the last four hours, your body will likely be able
Read more

Detoxing from that toxic relationship

Ask Tonic’s Coach Apr 2018 Detoxing from that toxic relationship By Rod Macdonald, Certified Coach Practitioner and Tonic’s Resident Coach Q: I got divorced two years ago, after a 12-year marriage that ended really poorly. I still feel angry about how it ended and want to move on. Any suggestions on how I can do this? -Chris A: Chris, relationships can be challenging at the best of times, and when they don't work out, it is inevitable that there will be some work to be done, especially ending poorly after 12 years. Without knowing the details, I can tell you that whatever happened doesn't matter as much as what you do about it now. It is natural to look back, but keep in mind that the more time you spend doing so is time taken away from helping you create the kind of life you want. What are you doing on a regular basis, that you love? It is critical to feed our souls with activities that are experiential that create lasting, positive memories. Travel, learning, and being in nat
Read more

Who do you want to be?

As we wind down the summer and move into the colder months of the year, we watch as leaves fall and what was once green and lush appears to wither and die.   In contrast to the natural energy of the spring and summer seasons, fall can be challenging as we get less sunlight and the temperatures steadily drop. However, fall is not a time of death as much as a time of restoration. Much like the hours spent sleeping in our 24-hour day; fall and winter are like sleep for the seasons. A time of restoration for the earth, and by extension for us, but don’t be lulled into a sense of excuse for inactivity.   Instead, see the fall as a time of preparation. You want to be ready for the next spring season, so the time to make a shift is now, when you can realign your schedule to support what you want to create. So ask yourself, “Who do you want to be?” This may be easier to answer if you look at certain aspects of your life and ask questions like “what kind of father do you want to be”, o
Read more